I know it's an unbearably satisfied way to describe oneself, but I decided last night that I was some kind of hot house orchid that can only bloom in ideal conditions, and conditions are far from ideal at the moment. I'm having a hard time, I am in a bad way, I'm not my best self. It's all temporary, everything will pass. I'm reduced to euphemisms. My brain is broken and I need swathes of solitude to heal it up. I feel like a feeble variety, the way I need so much seclusion to function. I don't know why I'm posting this. I couldn't sleep because I kept dreaming of people needing to talk to me. This sounds like some kind of terrible joke, but I'm lost here. If you believe in auras, mine is crystal, which explains a thing or two. I'm so over stimulated I can't even read books, they are just one more voice pounding in my head. Many of you who come here are writers. I'll just assume you know what I mean. I want to take a tiny trailer to a windswept beach and be alone forever. Not all apocalyptic visions are nightmarish to me.
Yes. I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDeleteI wish no one knew. And certainly not you, sweet woman.
I do know what you mean, too, too well. As fractured as you feel, as lost, you look absolutely gorgeous with that bright red lip, but there is a searching in your eyes. I hope this passes soon. Whatever the outer world is telling you that distresses you right now, please know it is a lie.
ReplyDeleteSo I went to leave a comment on your facebook page because this song keeps haunting me on spotify. Do you ever hear a song that reminds you of a book you read? Well, this reminds me of your book. So, if it's ever made into a movie, you could maybe suggest it, kay? But seriously, your book haunts me. And I totally know what you mean about sometimes books being one more voice pounding in your ear. I need solitutde like a babe needs a breast. And yet, so often, I hunger. Oh, and here's the link to the song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4bTi8mpWpI
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what you mean, as being alone with my thoughts is a worst fear.
ReplyDeleteBUT I love you and you look something awfully gorgeous in that photo of you.
Yeah. It's all too much. Too, too much.
ReplyDeleteMmm. Yes. Funny thing about orchids, though. They are generally misunderstood. They are tougher than everyone thinks they are. In the wild, they grow clinging to the sides of trees with little or no nourishment, water and sunlight when they can get it. It's when we bring them inside and stare at them that things get hinky. Most orchids die from being OVER-tended. They are naturally hardy and resilient - like cacti. Do with that what you will. Also, I might hate you for being beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI often think the life of a hermit is TOTALLY the way to go. Then a couple of hours later, I'm poking my husband asking when he'll be done working so he can talk to me, or I'm striking up a conversation with someone at the grocery store because the solitude was just. too. much.
ReplyDeleteThat photo? My second favorite of you. After that pic where you're air guitaring in front of a gaggle of people and no one is looking at you except Noah and he's all smitten and adorable. ;-)